Do you have a friend that is always putting you down? When you spend time with certain friends, do you feel worse about yourself afterward? You could have a toxic friendship.

What exactly is a “toxic” friendship? It is one that leaves you feeling drained, stifled and marginalized. This could be because they constantly put you down or perhaps they always have drama in their lives – which they expect you to listen to. These friends rarely offer support and in fact, the relationship is often one-sided, with all the focus on them. So-called “toxic” relationships can do more than make you feel bad. They can even affect your health, leading to everything from migraines and tension to stomachaches and depression.

Toxic friendships can become so bad that you start to dread even hearing from the person. You ignore their phone calls and make up excuses to avoid them. At this point – and perhaps even earlier – it is time to consider getting out of the relationship.

1. Acknowledge that the relationship is toxic. Then ask yourself what you did to allow the relationship to reach this point.

2. Talk to a neutral party. Consult with someone who doesn’t know your toxic friend and explain the situation. Often, a neutral viewpoint can help us see things that we didn’t before. They may be able to offer advice on whether the friendship can be healed or if it needs to be ended.

3. Set boundaries. Make healthy choices when determining what you will and won’t take from someone. Talk to your toxic friend and let them know your concerns about the relationship. Also, firmly let them know how things must change.

4. End the relationship. If you cannot reason with the person, or they continue to act in the same way, you may have to end it. Although this can be very difficult, ultimately, it can lead to a happier – and healthier – life.

5. Suggest help. In extreme cases, you may want to suggest that the person get professional help. Approach this delicate subject carefully, as they may not be open to the suggestion. Friendships should be about give and take; both parties should have their needs met. Learn how to recognize toxic friendships so that you can avoid them and have a healthier physical, emotional and spiritual life.

Source: VitaJournal October 2008 pg 21

What’s more, we’re “supposed” to also be upbeat and joyful. Even when our nerves are jingle-jangling more than a sackful of sleigh bells, there’s pressure everywhere to be merry and bright. Stress can just take all the “happy” out of holidays – if we let it. There are proven ways to squelch stress. A good start: recognizing the causes of stress at this time of year.

What’s stretching you too thin this season?

Experts tell us that there are three main issues that often lead to holiday stress or depression:

1. Money

If you feel strapped for cash most of the time, you probably feel worse this time of year. Between gifts and travel, food and entertainment, it’s easy to put even more strain on finances.

2. Relationships

With family and other loved ones around, old tensions and resentments can flare. (See article on Forgiveness, page 18). On the other hand, being without someone close at the holidays can tend to make us feel sad or lonely.

3. Health

The holiday frenzy can boost stress, which disturbs sleep and harms our health. And, the temptations of the season can steal into our exercise time while we’re eating and drinking too much. This is why it’s smart to keep (or start) taking Adaptogen 10 at this time of year. Their stress-fighting nutrients help you feel calm while they protect your health.

The unwanted power of stress: How it can hurt our health

Stress all by itself is not a bad thing. In fact, we need a certain amount of stress to be alive and to function. But when we get overloaded with pressure and tension, day after day, our bodies and our health can pay a high price. Doctors and researchers have found that there are strong connections between stress and these medical conditions:

• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• High cholesterol.

We also know that too much stress, over a long period, can lead to these dangers (which can put us at risk for serious disease):

• Overeating
• Drinking too much alcohol
• Smoking
• Lack of exercise
• Sleep problems
• Weight gain.

The good news! There are many proven techniques to help us handle stress in general, and holiday stress in particular. So when Yuletide fun seems like just another frenzied chore, relax. Take a deep breath (just like the Number One guideline on TriVita’s 10 Essentials). And remember why we celebrate this season in the first place.